Run.

That's all I seem to want to do these days. I want to buy a small trailer, just big enough for my bike and the few things that I couldn't stand to leave behind, and just run. Without telling a soul. A new city, a new life. Make up a story about where I came from, and what my life was like before I got there. Keep it vague, and refuse to talk about it in detail. Just start fresh. Never going to be able to do it from here though. This city devours the souls of those who weren't born in it.

I find myself caught in a strange place. I want to go back to the way I was just six months ago. Cold, without a single fuck to give. I want to tell everyone to go fuck themselves, because I don't need them. I don't need anyone. Problem is, that I can't. Suddenly I care. Suddenly I can't do without the few friends that I have left. I want to disappear, vanish from the face of the earth like I did before, but I can't. I hate and love it at the same time. Same as I hate and love the reason. It's been so long since I've genuinely cared about much of anything that I don't know how to handle it. I find myself going to desperate measures to fit in with this new identity. I feel like I'm faking it, but at the same time it seems real. I care, but I do not feel alive. I look at the world and I see so many people living and I envy them, because I feel like I almost had that. I feel like it was at my fingertips, then something changed. Maybe I should have tried a little harder. Instead of sitting back, and trying to be a breath of fresh air. I figured that being the only one who wasn't trying, might make me stand out a little more. Make me a little more genuine. I can't help but think about it.

I'm standing in a sea of darkness. I'm looking for a passing ship to come and save me, and there is none. I feel alone. People think that I open up to them, that I let my innermost self out, but it's only what I allow them to see. Only one person has actually seen the torn and ragged remains of my shallowly beating heart. I keep it in a little box, trying to keep it from being destroyed completely. I feel like it might be too late. Every day I feel a little weaker, I feel like I can't even unleash the beast, to protect me while I heal. It's getting harder to get out of bed in the morning. I force myself to use what little energy I have left to do things. Hoping, praying, that I'll find something...or someone...that can make me feel whole. In the end I feel like it's useless. I feel that soon, I'll be just another memory, soon to be forgotten. Like a bad joke. All the heroes are dead. There's no one left to save the broken, at least not in my world. I'm just not that lucky.

"If it means the death of me, I won't let go. And if I'm lost in the worlds shadows, I'll use the light that comes to me from your Halo." Starset - Halo